Written by: Andrew Lei, FCSN VOICES Youth Reporter
Graphics by: Vanessa Seah, FCSN VOICES Graphic Artist

It’s not easy being a mother. It means fulfilling the equal tasks of guardian, advisor, and best friend. It requires patient, constant nurturing and love–even when there are other tasks at hand pressing with equal need.

The journey of a special needs parent can be challenging but also rewarding. Yvette Ying is a mother of two children. Declan, her bright seventeen-year-old son, is a special needs child. Yvette strives to be the best mother she can, often sacrificing her own comfort to meet Declan’s unique and demanding needs. Caring for a child with special needs requires not only constant attention and adaptability but also emotional resilience and advocacy that go beyond typical parenting challenges. Yvette embodies these values and more as a leading volunteer figure in the Friends of Children with Special Needs community. 

Yvette’s journey began with FCSN in 2017. At the time, she’d left her job to focus on her family and her health, which was a difficult transition for her. She had been so busy with her work that she felt she couldn’t spend enough time with Declan, her son. A simple task like tying Declan’s shoes was a trying, thirty minute ordeal, and Yvette recounts, “I’d shout, lose my temper, and he’d burst into tears. I was utterly exhausted, both mentally and emotionally.” Yvette wanted to be a better mother and friend to her son, and she knew her job couldn’t come in the way.

Yvette realized that few parents in her circle of friends had kids who required this kind of special attention. “I was deeply anxious about Declan’s future, sadly believing my family would carry his entire burden alone.” It seemed that she had nowhere to turn.

Then, as a ray of hope, Yvette found FCSN. She was invited to a South Bay Monthly Coffee Social by a church friend, where she was astounded by the community of like-minded parents she could relate to and share her story with. She found new hope for navigating Declan’s future; “Looking back, it was truly a blessing.” For instance, Yvette forged a strong friendship with FCSN’s co-founder, Anna Wang, who kindly introduced her family to a wide array of special needs programs like Medi-Cal and In-Home Supportive Services, government resources, and general parental advice.

Even when Yvette and her family encountered difficulties, they now found they could always fall back on FCSN, calling it “a truly supportive community for people with special needs.” For instance, Declan was initially rejected by the San Andreas Regional Center without a diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorders. After sharing this encounter with the FCSN community, countless parents stepped forward, connecting Yvette with their own children’s doctors. With a new diagnosis, Declan was approved and able to access crucial benefits. Yvette recounts, “FCSN provided a network of expertise, where if I had any questions or doubt, I could just ask. It gave me confidence and reassurance that my son’s future was on the right track.” 

It wasn’t only logistical support that made Yvette fall in love with the organization. It was also the sense of family and love that purely shone through in community events, which she brought her family to almost every week. She remembers prior to the pandemic, after Family Gathering dinners, FCSN President CK Lee would teach children songs; “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” became Declan’s favorite (and clearly, he had great taste!). Yvette explained, “This really spoke about the heart of FCSN’s culture, with our own president singing along with the kids, showing so much patience and kindness to them.”

With a stronger grip on Declan’s future, Yvette began finding ways of giving back to FCSN. A kind and selfless worker, she wanted to fulfill the same role Anna Wang and Mannching once did for her, guiding along other new special needs parents and letting them know they were not alone. She served as a Co-Director of FCSN’s South Bay Enrichment Program for four years, carefully crafting weekend courses to enrich children’s lives. She stated openly, “I simply wanted to serve and help others however I could.” 

As time passed by, Yvette became a veteran parent and volunteer at the organization, a hand behind the curtain of many important FCSN endeavors. However, dotted in between her successes were also frequent challenges. Yvette remembers, “As a new member of the FCSN community, there were initial doubts from some parents about my capabilities.” As a volunteer and new face of the organization, they were unsure if she would properly support their children. 

Additionally, Yvette faced an ongoing difficulty: getting young children and kids under 12 to engage in FCSN’s programs. She fully understood parents’ reservations, and she stated: “I wished families would participate more. I understand that young parents feel overwhelmed, facing a lot of challenges, but I wanted to get across the message that we’re here to help, and they aren’t alone.” 

It’s always been her pursuit, therefore, to craft attractive, interesting, and engaging courses and events that make all children feel welcome, especially younger ones that require more care. She designed and successfully implemented courses tailored for younger participants, practicing skills in music, dance, math, and storytelling. She also organized fun, targeted events like the Annual Fall Festival, which included live entertainment and games for all ages to enjoy, and a music summer camp culminating in a free concert for participants to exhibit their talents!

Perhaps most abruptly, the pandemic overturned FCSN’s tradition of in-person, close-bonded classes, and Yvette had to learn how to communicate with the community in a virtual space. However, that also came with a welcome change: the integration of more high school volunteers and youth teachers who were eager to take advantage of easy virtual communication online. Through the Special-Needs Tutoring program, for example, her son Declan was able to engage with wonderful tutors in English and Science; he soon became the “poster boy” of the effort, encouraging other special needs students to connect with online teachers as well.

Last year marked a turning point in Yvette’s involvement with FCSN. While serving as a volunteer, she was invited to join the staff of FCSN’s social recreation program, which had recently become vendorized by the government. Eager to deepen her work with the special needs community, Yvette took the position of part-time program coordinator, putting together course descriptions, schedules, and materials, as well as hiring professional teachers for a variety of FCSN causes.

Yvette joked that she’s a “doer, not a visioner” – she prefers quiet, hard work and letting the results show for themselves. However, past her modesty, she harbors a vision for FCSN that shines through in every action she undertakes. She would love to see the organization’s most in-demand programs–the Adult Day Program, Supported Living Services, and Independent Living Services, among others–open more doors to those they serve. She strongly believes in FCSN’s mission to fill the world with “love, hope, respect, and support.”

Furthermore, she cherishes the idea of greater diversity in FCSN’s community. “Our roots are in our Chinese community, but our programs are valuable to families of all backgrounds,” she stated. “I believe that with inclusive outreach, we can welcome people of different races, cultures, and educational backgrounds, encouraging richer dialogue, fresh perspectives, and greater collaboration.” 

It seems like just yesterday that Yvette was struggling to help Declan tie his shoes. Now, her son has grown into a smart, capable, and kind individual, and her family has embraced the FCSN community without hesitation. Yvette, herself, has become a model for other FCSN parents, reminding them that despite their difficulties, there’s always a way to ensure the best for their children, if they know where to look.

Yvette’s story with FCSN is only beginning, and her goals for the organization will surely come to fruition in the coming years. However, she advises current parents, “Don’t worry too much; you’re never alone. There’s a strong support network if you know where to look. FCSN is one of these special places—a community where you can ask questions, share your frustrations, cry, and vent without judgement. You can find caring people and experienced parents who are more than ready to share their insights.”

Having walked the road as a special needs parent, Yvette is eager to share her knowledge and support to those around her. As Declan stands on the cusp of his 18^th birthday, she knows that anything is possible. May her story, filled with heart, be a shining beacon in the special needs community and beyond, reminding us all that with kindness, patience, collaboration, and an enduring commitment to putting our families first, there’s no shoelace that we can’t tie together.