Written by: Carolyn Zhang, FCSN Voices Youth Reporter
Graphics by: Lily Tran, FCSN Voices Graphic Artist

Jan climbed up to the edge of his crib, jumped onto the mattress, riding the bounce over and over again, giggling each time. He pointed at different shapes around him, naming them out loud. These are a few of Jake Haw’s earliest memories of his younger brother.

Jan Derrick Haw is 33 years old, and he has been a constant presence in Jake Haw’s life since childhood, teaching him many valuable lessons and shaping his story. The two brothers grew up in the Philippines, navigating the world together. But soon after Jan turned three, his words began to come less frequently and then barely at all. “It was…stagnant,” Jake recalls, “Pretty soon, as he continued to grow, we notic[ed] him to be a lot more quiet [and] less able to use his words.”

As Jan grew, so did the signs that his journey would be different from other kids his age. Typically, a baby instinctively turns towards a sudden sound, like keys dropping on the floor. A family friend who was a doctor pointed this out when Jan was one year old. When their parents tested this at home, Jan didn’t look up. With a healthcare system that had limited resources for special needs families, the Haws pieced together an understanding of Jan’s differences over time. Jan was only formally diagnosed with autism around the age of seven. 

In many ways, Jan seemed like any other kid his age. He would walk, run, and even climb door frames as a child, gripping the small bevels on either side. However, speech remained a challenge. Jan’s tongue muscles made enunciation difficult, making his words soft and hard to understand. His family had learned to read Jan’s reactions to their actions: silence meant he was content, while covering his ears or raising his voice meant something was wrong.

In the Philippines, resources for children with special needs were scarce. Despite this, the Haw family found ways to support Jan. Early on, the responsibility of caring for Jan fell on Jake’s shoulders too. Before school, after school, and during his free time, Jake helped Jan with daily tasks, feeding, dressing, and bathing him. The family found a school that assisted children with special needs, and Jan began attending soon after. Support workers from the school would also visit their home to conduct drills and exercises to help Jan build functional skills. Through it all, Jake remained close by, “My parents would tell me…you’ve got to take care of your brother.”

Jan (left) and Jake (right) pictured together.

Eventually, the Haw family made the decision to move to the United States. There, government-subsidized services, transportation services, and medical care have given Jan support that would not have been possible in the Philippines. 

However, much of Jan’s growth had nothing to do with any program or service. In March 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic closed schools and programs across the country almost overnight. Stuck at home, Jan had to find a way to pass the time. Jan had always loved music, so he turned to his family’s Alexa device to play his favorite songs. But, Alexa couldn’t understand him as his words weren’t clear enough to register. So, he kept trying, repeating song titles over and over again, working through the sounds until his tongue became stronger and his speech grew clearer. Jake watched his growth, amazed by his quiet determination. “He developed the strength…to move his tongue enough to have Alexa understand him,” Jake says. “I thought that was really cool.” 

That wasn’t the only thing Jan surprised him with. One day during the pandemic, Jake was working from home, thinking out loud about an upcoming date. Nearby, Jan was absorbed in his own computer. Without even looking up, he said, “Tuesday.” Jake stopped. He hadn’t asked Jan anything, but Jan was right. It turns out Jan can identify the day of the week for any calendar date, past or future. Jake tested him again and again, and Jan was right every time. Jake says, “I think he has a mental picture of different calendars across different years.” He told their parents, who had no idea. Jan’s talent had been living quietly inside him, simply waiting for the chance to surface. 

The more Jake looked at Jan, the more he found. Beyond his talents, Jan has a rich inner world of habits and preferences. He loves video games, especially the classic 8-bit games he grew up with, including Mario, Sonic, and Tetris. He and Jake share a passion for Pokémon, and Jake occasionally brings home boxes of booster packs as a treat. 

The way Jan approaches these packs is what surprises Jake. Whereas Jake might tear through every pack immediately, Jan opens one carefully and sets the rest aside for later, opening one every few days and savoring each moment. A box of Pokémon cards might seem like a small thing, but Jake has come to see it as something bigger. Jan moves through the world at his own pace, and everyone around him has to slow down to meet him there. “Pacing yourself,” Jake says, smiling, “is something I had to learn from him.” 

Apart from Pokémon cards, growing up as Jan’s brother has shaped Jake in many other ways as well. He speaks honestly about the obligations that he had, the time spent at home while his friends were out. There were moments of frustration where he felt stretched thin, but Jake sees those years differently now. To care for Jan was to slow down and to be present in the moment. “It helped shape me to be who I am right now,” Jake reflects on his past. “Instead of just wasting [time]… I’m at home with my brother… learning about him and his tendencies. It was a little sad, but it’s a sacrifice, because…they’re part of your family and you care about them.” 

As for Jan’s future, Jake remains hopeful. Jan will continue living with the family, but Jake also believes in Jan’s capacity to continue growing. “There was a time before when I thought, ‘This is hopeless…he’s never going to learn anything,'” Jake admits, “But he’s proven me wrong. He’s shown me that there’s growth. It’s just delayed.” Jake hopes that Jan will find more friends and a social group that he can connect with. He hopes that Jan’s gift for dates and his vast musical memory will find a place in the world. And he hopes that others will look close enough to notice that Jan Haw’s patience and quiet determination reveal a life fully lived on his own terms. 

The Haw family pictured together.

 Jake now works as the South Bay Adult Day Program Manager at FCSN, witnessing firsthand what the right support means for families like his. Their move to the United States opened many doors for Jan, offering him access to support systems and room to grow. Through his journey of learning and growing alongside his brother, Jake has truly come to appreciate the connections that he has made with the people in the community. “Because of [Jan’s] situation, I was able to connect with a lot of people who…have someone who’s related to them that has special needs,” Jake says. “There’s a sense of empathy [and] connection because they understand what you’re going through.”